Some days my random web-surfing is close to being a dud, a nothingness in that vast sargasso sea of internet babble. Today I hit the jackpot on discovering a hilarious and passionate writer, albeit a 'crippled' one. Pulls no punches and is certainly not PC. Mike Ervin is also known as Smart Ass Cripple ["Expressing pain through sarcasm since 2010."] Since he has been disabled since birth, he pens what others may think, but don't dare put into writing.
Coulda Beena Borted
"My dad had three kids with his first wife. None of them were crippled. Then my dad had three more kids with my mom. All crippled. I was the last one to come along so it must’ve been me they were talking about that day back when I was a tiny criplet and my mom overheard one of her in-laws say, “I blame her for this.”
Blame. That word smacked my mom across the back of the head like an irate nun. You never blame someone for doing something good. “I blame YOU for rescuing my infant child from the jaws of that alligator!”
One of the problems with being crippled is that it’s nearly impossible to sneak up on anybody. People always see and or hear us coming. They can even see most cripples coming while we’re still in the womb these days, what with ultrasound and amniocentesis and all.
I was born back in the days when crippled fetuses could still . . . . "
Cripple Sports I'd Pay to Watch
"Now that the regular Olympics are over, the cripple Olympics will soon be officially underway in London.
Sorry. I know I should be shot by a cripple firing squad for saying that. Even though I spend way too much time watching regular sports, I have no interest in cripple sports. Maybe I’m just bitter because I can’t heave a steel ball five feet. But I think it’s that I don’t find cripple sports as entertaining as regular sports.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m no sports bigot. There are some Olympic sports that would be way more entertaining to watch in the cripple Olympics than in the regular Olympics, but they’re not part of the cripple Olympics. Take for instance, wheelchair pole vaulting. All the wheelchair athletes I know are too wussy to try that one. But then they complain about how no one pays attention to the cripple Olympics. Well you can’t have it both ways! Those millions of people who love extreme sports like rocket-powered snowboarding would really get their rocks off watching wheelchair pole vaulting.
And how about wheelchair beach volleyball? Two things that don’t go together are wheelchairs and thick sand. Your wheels sink in and you’re stuck. You practically need a tow truck to get out. Wheelchair beach volleyballers would have almost zero mobility and range. So in order to keep the ball in the air . . . . "